Welcome to my EDNOS world.

June 3, 2008

I apologise.

Filed under: Blog. — redrevolver @ 9:38 pm

I do indeed apologise to my non-existent readers, for not improving this. I’ve contended with exam pressure for the past few months and it definitely has been having an effect on me :S I’ve been binging like John Prescott on a bad day, haha.
Anyhow, I do promise to keep this up. I’m going to save it as my frontpage on FireFox. I’ve deleted the pages as I can’t deal with them right now. It’s a lot of work, and I don’t have the concentration atm. However, I’m working on a proper site (I.E. without the blog) with possible linkage to this blog.

I guess part of myself may not even want to keep this blog up. I mean, it’ll just show how much I fail, day after day. Where the Hell is my self control, and my faith in myself? Jessica said this is because I put a lot of pressure on myself for having good non-verbal reasoning skills but only above average and average in everything apart from theory of mind (which I’m technically a retarded in :D). I dunno. I have pretty shitty self-esteem, but I honestly don’t think it’s my mental capacity that does that.

I met Phil Collins (no, not the singer – he’s my psychiatrist) and he seemed okay. He has a moustache that looks like he’s broken off a broom handle and stuck the brush on his face. Seriously. It seems to move independently of itself, LOL. He started talking to me about my eating habits, and I just couldn’t say anything about making myself sick. He asked, and I feigned being offended and burst into tears. Of course, the tears were real, because I’ve never ever spoken about how guilty food makes me before. To anyone but my mother, of course. =[ Then my Mum had a chat with him on her own with Jessica, and apparently ‘got out of her pram’ LOL. God knows I love her, but she can be a bit of a silly sausage sometimes.

I also have started reading about this thing about spinning – seriously, get in. I love spinning. Always have. And I swear I’ve always thought spinning must have some gravitational effect on your weight (yes, I r scientist) and whilst that may not be true (according to this article) it’s true enough to lose 3 pounds a week or something. I’m also going to buy myself a trampoline. I need to do some fun exercise. My bike has bored me, and I rarely go on it, and if I do, it’s for less than 10 minutes. I also can’t do push ups or anything, ’cause I feel stupid.

Then I feel fat and ugly, make resolutions for the rest of my life, come the morning I do the same shit as the day before. I wonder if I’ll ever get where I want to be? I doubt it. Oh well.

I’ve had about 700 calories today. I dunno whether to be proud of myself or not.


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